Losers
Niagara Falls is also known
as the 'suicide capitol of the world,' and an estimated
5,000 losers have gone over the Falls since 1850.
The only near-rivals
are Clifton suspension bridge in Bristol UK, and San Francisco's
Golden Gate bridge, each with a measly 1,000 since the former
bridge opening in 1864 and the latter in 1937. You can count
on it: every week somebody goes over the Falls or jumps or tumbles
into the Niagara river.
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We have long advocated a few
strategically-placed public WC's along River Road
to keep Germans
and Japanese from climbing over the low wall to take a pee
and falling in.
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If you're a risk-taker, moody,
sadistic, or easily amused, take in Niagara: Miracles, Myths
and Magic, portraying some of the dare devils who've made the
Falls their headlines, at IMAX Theatre, 6170 Buchanan Street,
Niagara Falls ON, (905) 358-3611. Ride Niagara, 5755 River Road,
Niagara Falls ON, (905) 374-7433, takes you over the Falls in
a barrel. Also, in the same league of scaries for you thrill-seekers,
the Great George Adventure and the Niagara Spanish Aero Car, both
only a few minutes north of the Whirlpool bridge.
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'Kerplonkers' are copycat suicides.
One suicide will start a cycle. The publicity it generates inspires
other suicides so that the effect resembles a line of frogs along
the shore of a pond, one hopping in and spooking the others to
jump in, too.
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Scavengers, locally called 'river
rats' and usually working on commission of $150 per body in conjunction
with a funeral parlor, prowl the banks of the Niagara river looking
for body parts, indication of a suicide or accident above the
Falls. Or, for whole bodies, a sign that they came from beneath
the Falls or along the gorge. William 'Red' Hill, the most famous
river rat, who died of natural causes in 1942, has the record
of corpses found at 177.
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Talking about all the horrible
things that have happened to losers at Niagara Falls is fodder
for local gossip. Why did one suicide, a really nice guy, lock
his bicycle before diving in and committing suicide at Table Rock?
"You had to know him to understand why, that was the way
he was," said a woman that knew him. One man who jumped
into the hydro canal passed through a turbine and came out split
so perfectly down the middle that the police who hauled the body out
and observers burst out laughing. Over by Table Rock again, a
few years ago, police found a car, engine running, footsteps in
the snow, leading to the edge, then nothing. He'd jumped. Police
took the elevator down and found a man, lying on the deck, who
swore at them, "You assholes, you assholes, what took you
so long? I've hurt my back." He'd also missed the water.
An ambulance took him to hospital.
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For funeral arrangements and
Niagara Falls ON's outstandingly generous 'Indigent Burial' package,
worth in excess of $2000 and one of the reasons river rats and
funeral directors, like the gulls, are always on the look out
for fresh meat, see further below under Permanent
Residence.
More than 100 people annually take advantage of this fine program.
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If you unluckily get washed
up on the Niagara Falls NY side and your body is found but not
claimed, they will not eat you, but they do burn you and throw
out the ashes in the trash. By sewing a Canadian flag to their
underwear and throwing away all ID, many hapless Americans on
the 'qui-vive' have enjoyed a nice, private, Canadian, funeral
service and burial.
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If you're not a loser but rather
a winner, looking to to go run the whirlpool and rapids or to go over the Falls triumphantly and to survive, join the merry men and women who've beat you to the feat.
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| Person ( * Died Trying) | Modus | Date |
Annie Taylor | Barrel | 10/24/1901 |
| Bobby Leach | Barrel | 07/25/1911 |
| Charles Stephens* | Barrel | 07/11/1920 |
| Jean Lussier | Rubber Ball | 07/04/1928 |
| George Stathakis* | Barrel | 07/04/1930 |
| Roger Woodward (not a stunt) | Life
Preserver | 07/09/1960 |
| James Honeycutt* (not a stunt) | Life
Preserver | 07/09/1960 |
| William Fitzgerald (aka Nathan T. Boya) | Rubber Ball |
07/15/1961 |
| Karel Soucek | Barrel | 07/03/1984 |
| Steven Trotter | Barrel | 08/18/1985
06/18/1995 |
| John 'David' Munday | Barrel | 10/05/1985
09/26/1993 |
| Geoffrey Petkovich & Peter DeBernardi | Barrel | 09/27/1989 |
| Jessie W. Sharp* | Barrel | 06/05/1990 |
| Lori Martin (w/ Steven
Trotter) | Barrel | 06/18/1995 |
| Robert Overcracker* | Jet Ski | 10/01/1995 |
Little Roger Woodward, age 7,
gets hauled out of the drink below the Falls. His sister, rescued
above the Falls, survived. James Honeycutt, who ran the boat,
did not. Today a minister, Woodward refuses to talk about the
1960 experience.
Submit your own favourite
finishing place.
We're sure Japan has spectacular vantages, like:
| Niagara Falls | +5000 | NY and
Ontario |
| Clifton Bridge River Avon | +1000 | Bristol,
UK |
| Golden Gate Bridge | "high 900's"
| San
Francisco, CA |
| Cornell Gorge | NA | Ithaca,
NY |
| Empire State Building | NA | New York
City |
While on the topic of losers,
check out the Niagara Falls ON 'ghost hotel' behind Muller Dry Goods,
5823 Ferry Street, and visible at the corner of Ferry and Main
as well as elsewhere. Rumored to have been built with drug money,
the hotel was seized by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Canada's
FBI. A bank, however, held a substantial mortgage on the property.
Finance and police fought title in court, the bank winning.
Since then, owners come and go, reminiscent of 'ghost hotels,' under a mysterious curse, probably the feng-shui, in every city
of the world.
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